Part Two of a Series Part 1
New York. May 4, 2016 President Obama has finally appointed a strong leader to the Supreme Court. “City the Kitty, although relatively small in stature, standing only about 16 inches tall, and very young, I believe he is the youngest Justice ever at only 7 years of age, is the most qualified candidate I have ever known,” said the President at the Confirmation Hearing. “He is extremely knowledgeable about our most pressing and important issue in North America today, cat toes.”
The new Chief Justice, who is indeed replete with cat toes, was eager to get to work this morning and immediately ruled on the very controversial case, Claws v. Sofa. Attorneys for Claws said that cat claws are an integral part of a cat. If you chose Sofa over Claws, then no one benefits, not the cat and not the human. It was a simple, honest, thoughtful and humane argument.
Attorneys for Sofa brought up many sniveling veterinarians who whine a lot and want to declaw. After all, they are trained specialist whose main focus in life is protecting inanimate pieces of furniture. They went to school for many years, spending long hours on subjects like Chair Health, Curtain Wellness, and Ottoman Preventive Medicine. Their argument was that no one except veterinarians understand how important furniture well-being is and therefore declawing shouldn’t be regulated.
Despite the long-winded and annoying pleas on behalf of upholstery health, Chief Justice the Kitty felt this was “A no brainer.” He went on, “The punishment of amputating cat toes does NOT fit the crime of scratching a couch.” Chief Justice the Kitty wrote in the decision, “Duh! It doesn’t take a blind man to see that this is a cruel injustice that is tantamount to the most sadistic torture of the dark ages.”
The Chief Justice was not available for further comment this afternoon because he was napping after being awake in court for a full two hours. He will most certainly have more to say when he wakes up tonight at midnight and is hungry.
Dear Reader, please be the jury and agree or disagree with Chief Justice City the Kitty and his historic ruling.
The unenlightened vets of the New York State Veterinary Medical Society (NYSVMS) have declared war on innocent cats and are trying to kill the NY bill that is GOOD for cats but bad for their pocketbooks!
You can really help stop the NYSVMS from killing this important Cat Protection Bill in NY by signing these official links and petitions.
Here is the link to the NYSVMS official opposition letter to the legislators of New York. 2nd PDF on the list
Please go to these two links and sign the official petition to let the legislators know you support this important bill. It takes about 60 seconds to sign up on the NY Senate site and 30 seconds to just sign the official petition site. Official NY Bill Petition